Pretty Dirty Dark & Nerdy

So I’ve been nervously circling my laptop for two hours now.  In my procrastination and fear I’ve managed two  loads of laundry, watched a kettle boil for tea, washed all of the dishes I had planned to let soak overnight, and now snickering mentally as I type this, I have to admit that I read three different articles on how to start a blog post…ha!


The takeaway here folks, is I’m more productive avoiding something I fear than if I had just sat down and gritted through it.  But I realize now, isn’t that how it always is?  Trying to manage our time, be the best human we can be, hope we threw enough karma into the universe for the day, and repeat it the next day?


That said, let me now near the end introduce myself and go over what we will be doing here.  My name is Liz, I’m an old lady in internet years at 38, and I’m fairly certain I’m having a pre-midlife crisis.  And it’s the best thing  that’s ever happened to me.


I am a stay at home mom of two amazingly different girls.  They entered middle school together for the only year they will share, as one is going into 6th grade and the other 8th.  This whole blog and website adventure started just before they entered school.  I was having a moment where I was having an argument with my husband, and he said something that literally blew my brain into a deadly and angry silence.  And let me tell you, my brain is never quiet.  He at one point had said to me that he would “take care of it (insert issue here) like he takes care of everything!”


Now let me assure you, this was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.  At this time, I, like I’m sure most mothers that get to stay home and raise their kids, have given up a lot of freedom, events, hobbies, work and so forth to stay home and make sure your kids are growing up the right way and your house stays clean and everyone is happy right?


Well, I thought that I was doing a good job.  I do suffer anxiety, and at that time I wasn’t driving.  However my mother lived here and was around to help, and we usually  went shopping on the weekends anyways.  Because I carried heavy guilt for my restrictions, I went out of my way to try and cater to everyone that I could.  I called all our bill companies and tried to get lower rates for insurances and utilities.  I made sure dinner was cooked, kids were clean, and did whatever yard work I could.


So when that fateful day came, and he said those words, my brain sort of snapped.  It went quiet, and I didn’t know what that meant exactly.  I remember thinking, this must be what it feels like to truly feel crazy.  I knew it was bad, because somehow, I was okay with this sensation.  This was my catalyst.


I realized, after speaking and crying to my mother, to friends, my two best friends, one male and one female, that I wasn’t alone.  I started to feel better about the situation if only that we as adults were all having our struggles.  It’s funny, things seem hunky-dory on social medias, but it had been a long time since I actually had sat down and talked with my mouth to friends.  What surprised me even further was finding out I wasn’t alone.  The men I spoke with had worries and frustration, same as we ladies did.


I sat down and started to think.  I began to really take a look around me, and became horrified to realize that I was stuck in a rut.  I wasn’t sure I was actually doing a good job with my kids.  I wasn’t sure I was a good mother or wife.  And I began to fear that time was flying by, and I had nothing to give to the world.  No way to leave my mark, nothing to be said that was amazing about my happiness or contributions.  At those moments, I realized I was worth more than just being a mother, a maid, and housewife.


I have gifts I want to give the world.  I want to talk about kids and social media and video games ( Did I mention I’m super geeky and nerdy as well as punk and have played video games since I was about 7?  I currently own multiple Playstation systems and play avidly when I can.) I want to have a safe space we can discuss issues and fears and be supportive.  I want to talk about anxiety and society and tell you about how I have a whole website counterpart of products I just launched.


So let’s buckle in, be kind, laugh at our mistakes, groan at the latest social media trends, talk about mom stuff and nerdy stuff.  Most importantly of all, lets inspire each other, and be okay with sometimes having  a not so great day.

“Failure isn’t a bad thing, it just means you haven’t found the right way to do something yet.”

One thought on “Pretty Dirty Dark & Nerdy

  1. Violet says:

    Mom here…sending hugs. You go girl. Waiting for next “publication,” or whatever you call it. A little technologically challenged… So gratified to read what you are able to write, while most just have these thoughts in their heads.

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